How to Stay Self-Centered in Relationships and Conversations
Last week I wrote a general article about how and why to be self-centered. In relationships though, it can be difficult to remain self-centered. And even more so in the middle of a conversation! While focused on talking to someone, it can be so easy to forget about oneself and get lost “somewhere else” energetically.
How to maintain self-centeredness even in the midst of conversations and relationships?
I love to play ping-pong, despite the fact that I’m half blind and don’t play very well. It’s so much fun! Here’s my suggestion: for a while, see relationships and especially conversations as a ping-pong game.
When you play ping-pong, someone sends you a ball, ping. You send it back, pong. You send it back in a way and to a place depending on what you want: make your partner run, sweat and lose, or on the contrary have a nice, friendly, long exchange, or anything in between. But the principle is really simple: ping, pong, ping, pong.
Relationships and conversations are quite similar. Someone says or does something, ping. You respond by doing or saying something, pong. If you are more active than passive, you might initiate by taking some kind of action, ping. Your life, the Universe, or the other person responds in some way, pong. Regardless of how active or passive you are, it is still a series of pings and pongs.
Stay on Your Side of the Table
When you play ping-pong, once you hit the ball with your racket, it’s done. You need to let it go. You’re busy repositioning yourself, and seeing where the next ball will arrive. You might think about what you want to do next.
The one ball that you just hit, is gone. You don’t go and run to the other side of the table, making sure the ball arrives properly, or that your partner receives it the way you intended to send it. You don’t try to manipulate your partner into sending it back according to your wishes. You don’t explain to him what he should do next. You don’t go invade his space and hinder him by trying to show him how to hold his racket.
I suggest you do the same in your relationships and conversations. Someone says or does something – ping – ask yourself what you really want. Once that is clear to you, respond by doing or saying something aligned with what you want – pong. And then let it go.
If you feel out of balance, reposition yourself by centering yourself and coming back with your awareness on yourself. Stay open for any feedback or responses. Keep focusing on what you want.
Let Them Play Their Own Game
Don’t try to educate others.
Don’t try to make them understand things.
Don’t try to help them.
Don’t try to go there to teach them how to handle life.
Don’t try to take care of their business.
Don’t solve their problems for them.
Don’t invade their energetic space. Stay in yours. Would you want your friends to break into your house, use your bathroom, empty your fridge and make themselves comfortable on your couch without asking you? Then don’t do this to others at the energetic level. Connecting with someone is NOT the same as invading their space.
Don’t try to manipulate them into doing what you want.
Don’t try to make sure they understand you either. We all perceive each other through the filter of our beliefs, culture, education, past experiences, soul-level energies, subconscious patterns and whatnot. The way others see you, or the way you see others, is always highly subjective. There’s no point in trying to make others perceive you the way you think you are, nor to try and make them understand what you said exactly the way you meant it. You sure can work on your communication skills and make efforts to understand and be understood by someone you care about – but only to some extent, after which you need to let go. When you are over there in their mind trying to sort it out, you’re not at home in your own energetic space.
Basically, in your relationships and conversations, imagine you are standing on your side of the ping-pong table, playing with the other person. Stay fully present in the here & now and see what comes your way. Respond according to what you want, while always staying on your side of the table.
Whenever you feel that you are over there on the other side of the table busy with someone else’s stuff and interfering with their game, go back to your side of the table. Which means: go back to taking care of your own business, which needs it, and leave other people’s business alone.