Is Fear Preventing You From Getting to the Next Level?
I’m scared.
I’m so terrified I’m paralyzed.
I’ve often heard people say that fear can prevent us from making significant changes in our lives. Until now, I could not really relate to that. I was working really hard on transforming my life, and if I occasionally felt fear, I did it anyway.
Most of the difficulties I had to deal with felt external to me, and had solutions. Even when the solution was a spiritual healing session to clear internal, soul-level blocks that were holding me back, it still felt like I was dealing with “something else”. Because whatever it was, it was blocking me, and once it was cleared, whoooo, I would go ahead and take the next step on my path.
Now my situation is different. It feels like there is nothing blocking me anymore. Sure I still have energetic “stuff” that’s not who I really am, but it doesn’t feel like what’s left is seriously holding me back. I feel perfectly free to walk my path and get to the next level.
And now I feel it! The fear. Oh my God. I’m terrified.
When the Fear is Paralyzing
I know exactly what to do to get to the next level. I have been there several times so I know what it feels like. There is nothing preventing me from doing it, except for my own choices. But I’m scared. So I keep going back and forth between my old state and my new state.
The old state doesn’t feel good to me anymore. It feels awful and I can’t stand to stay there for a long time anymore. But the new state is so scary that I can’t stand to stay there for a long time either. So I keep yo-yo-ing between the two.
I keep clinging to old habits that don’t serve me anymore, that don’t even feel good to me anymore, just so I won’t get to the next level. I have even started new, unhealthy habits, that I didn’t have before, that don’t even resonate with me, just for the sake of sabotaging myself.
I numb myself out to not feel the anxiety. And, I keep distracting myself in all kinds of ways, clearly just to avoid facing my path.
I’ve never been in such a place before. My whole life I struggled with a lot of things, but never before have I been so free to do what I want and so scared of doing it.
Sometimes we NEED to level up!
For over half a year now I’ve been oscillating this way. I feel totally misaligned with my purpose, I’m off-track, it feels BAD, and as a consequence my health is suffering a lot.
Sometimes, we are ready to level up. If we don’t, if we cling to our old state of being, we end up misaligned with ourselves, even if we know our purpose and all that stuff.
That’s what happens to my clients sometimes. After a healing session, they change. They need to allow their lives to shift as well. They need to make new choices. But sometimes they won’t, they cling to old choices and habits, and then they suffer until they adjust. That’s what’s happening to me now, I guess. Geez, I feel sorry for my clients!
I’ll use this opportunity to find out how to get to the next level in spite of the fear. I have no solution yet, but I can definitely confirm that yes indeed, sometimes fear can prevent us from making a significant change in our life!
Ready to die?
When I quit smoking in 2004, I didn’t realize it would be a life-altering choice. I thought of it as simply getting rid of a bad habit, becoming more independent and healthier, and polishing my self-esteem a bit. What really happened though is that when I quit smoking, I became a new, different person. It was amazing. The old me disappeared, I barely remember her. And quitting smoking was just a small change compared to what I’m up to now.
In a way, it’s like dying.
No wonder I’m scared!
I’d become a new person, with a different emotional, mental, probably even physical body. My relationships will change, my work will change, my whole life will change. I’ll deal with things differently. The one I am now will cease to exist, in a way. It’s like jumping off a cliff without knowing what’s at the bottom of it and whether I can fly or not.
I know who I am now, I don’t know who I will be after.
I know it’s totally going to be worth it! But still, it’s scary, isn’t it?
What do you think?
- If you can relate and feel that fear is preventing you from leveling up too, please feel free to leave a comment and share.
- If you were in a similar situation but you managed to make the change in spite of the fear, please leave a comment and share how you managed to do that!
- If you would like, you are also welcome to leave a comment and write a few soothing words of encouragement to me. I could use them! :)
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Bonjour Rosine. Je ne suis pas suffisamment bilingue pour écrire en anglais, j’espère que ça ne pose pas de problème. Je viens de lire ton commentaire qui m’inspire. Oui, ça fait peur de vivre, ça fait peur d’avancer… Mais je ne suis pas d’accord quand tu écris “ready to die” en imaginant que c’est le fait d’avancer qui te fera mourir. Tu imagine que ça fera mourir ton ancien “toi”… Moi je crois que, ne pas avancer c’est mourir. Entièrement. Rester sur place ou reculer c’est mourir. Ceux qui s’installent dans une routine meurent à petit feu. Le seul moyen de vivre, c’est d’avancer. C’est en n’avançant pas que tu vas mourir, pas en avançant. Et si tu veux avancer sans peur, il faut que tu trouves la foi. Pas dans une religion quelconque, mais en toi. La foi en La Vie. As-tu vu le film “Indiana Jones et la dernière croisade” ? Il y a dans ce film une illustration parfaite de ce que j’appelle la Foi, et elle s’apparente à l’image que tu emploies qui consiste à sauter dans le vide… Si tu veux passer au niveau supérieur sans avoir peur, il faut que tu changes ta vision des choses, ta vision du monde. La Vie t’apporte toujours ce dont tu as besoin, fais lui confiance et avance sans te poser plus de questions. Et tu verras des mondes merveilleux :), des énergies merveilleuses, des gens merveilleux… Il n’y a vraiment rien à regretter. Dans ta transformation, tu ne perdras jamais rien qui soit bon pour toi. Tu ne perdras que ce qui ne sert plus, qui est devenu inutile. Y’a pas de quoi avoir peur :) Courage, avance, on est des milliers à en faire autant. Tu n’es pas seule tu sais! Much Love from Jeanne :)
Love this post, Rosine. It really touches upon the difficulty I’ve been having for months now. I can totally relate with your experience of quitting smoking to. It seems like a bad habit but really, that one lifestyle choice (to be a smoker) overlaps into every other area of life. When I quit, I realized that I had more clarity and focus. I would do things for a good reason, rather than to satisfy a powerful and subconscious impulse. Another huge thing was noticing how much more patience I had for other matters in life. Instead of being interrupted all the time with the urge to go feed the nicotine and smoking addiction, life could be faced and embraced directly. Random thoughts. :)
Hi Rosine..! Wow, congratulations for giving up smoking..!!! I managed to quit in 2003 after smoking for around eight years – something I didn’t want to do – but still ended up doing it… In the weeks afterwards I likened the feeling of not smoking to being in a vast, deep, dark, cold blue ocean without any ‘water-wings’ or life raft, etc, it meant I would have to swim properly and alone without any assistance, ie. I would have to cope with life up front instead of hovering behind a cigarette (crutch). Much like how you compared it to dying or being reborn – it is painful but you do it..! Sometimes as you have no other choice… Thank you for the opportunity to post & best wishes..!
I can really relate, both to fears that are preventing me from leveling up, as well as having to work through fears that have led to a huge life change.
in April of 2010, I sought out a spiritual life coach for help – I knew I needed something, but felt the old path of seeing a psychologist was just going to leave me with an impersonal, cold process that had me repeating my stories over and over and not getting anywhere. I found a wonderful coach, Soren, and it changed my life in huge ways.
Sometimes I hate that I made that choice, because of where I am now: going through a divorce after 8 years of marriage and having to put my my 6 year old son in school (I’m very passionate about home education – American schooling is terrible, and I have the legal freedom, so far, to do that here). I’d even hoped that my ex and I could live together as roommates peaceably, and we tried that for a while, but it’s not working (so huge feelings of failure on my part).
On the other hand, I’ve never been this close to being so aligned with my truth – at 33, I’ve finally found a job that I love doing – and have also fallen in love with someone who is right for me in all the ways that my ex is not, and who is ready to for the level of connection and commitment that my ex is not. I’ve also become a better mother, and friend. And my health has improved – I’ve lost 25 lbs, I’m working with a naturopath and chiropractor to take better care of myself, and my monthly migraines have not reappeared for two months now.
Of course, I have also recently started up a habit that is strange. I work in a restaurant and we are allowed to help ourselves to the soda fountain for free. I’ve never been much of a soda drinker, and usually most places don’t serve my preferred soda, Root Beer. Well, this restaurant has Root Beer, and for the last 4 nights, I’ve had a glass of Root Beer while on my break. I do know that I eat sugar a lot as a form of self-medicating/comfort-eating. So, naturally, the question I’ve been asking myself is, “What’s this really all about? What’s going on?” I also have learned to be gentle with myself (Soren’s gentleness with me has helped me learn to do this) and allow myself to be this way, without judging, but rather a more simple, compassionate inquiry.
There is a lot of change and re-organization happening in my life right now, and I need comfort, which apparently I’m taking in the form of a daily Root Beer. :/
Thanks for sharing this, it has really helped me through my process. There’s more I’d like to write, but my son is begging for dinner, so I have to go…
Much love!
That’s pretty much a perfect description how I’ve felt for the last 3-4 years now. Except, I also have no idea what my purpose or passion is, or where I should even be aiming my energy. So much so, that I’ve taken the last year off to travel and just experience more of this life in the hope that I’ll figure it out. I haven’t managed to find it yet, so I’m looking forward to your answer when it comes!
Dear Rosine,
I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling with fear right now, especially someone as lovely and kind as you. I thought for awhile about what to respond because the topic of ‘fear’ is such a pervasive one in my life and in everyone’s lives- the whole world, in fact. And it’s not so easy to say “If you know, DO” or “Push past the fear” because we never know what we’re pushing past towards. That’s incredibly scary. Also, just being aware of and feeling our higher self’s unconditional love isn’t enough to get us over the hump either. I even get angry at the intense love and courage I feel from my higher self- this bold openness and excitement that compels me onward- because I wanna scream “But I can’t!! It’s too hard!! How will I know…?” and just don’t feel capable and sure of how to level up. But for the first time ever, I’m finally getting some traction. It used to be that I would trash my body eating crap food, stay up irregular hours and feel fatigued, avoid getting close to anyone emotionally or even physically, and basically retreat and isolate myself from what I felt to be a cruel, harsh world.
Yet, I’m happy to report that though I’m still ‘in transition’, I feel tons better than I did months ago when sobbing nightly over the messes in my life and even contemplating suicide (Ughh that’s difficult to admit). This is what’s helping me:
1) Understanding Undesired Habits: Bad habits (what I like to call undesired habits) exist because of the neural pathways we create in our brains from thinking, feeling, and doing a particular thing multiple times and with focus and intent. So, if you’ve spent years…say…thinking “I need food to soothe my discomfort”….and even though you’ve cleared an energetic block that kept you stuck in that cycle, breaking this habit is still literally wired into your physical being. Having the energetic block removed only means that there are no extra hindrances to your discovering & implementing self-affirming ways to soothe your discomfort. But the work in the physical must still be done and new neural pathways must be created (i.e. a new, desired habit) the same way the undesired habit was created: With focused and intense thought, feeling, and intention. It’s uncomfortable, it’s scary, but once you are sure of what you want and why, you stay focused on that thought, those feelings, and your actions. And pretty soon you’ll be singing a new tune. As they say “Comfort is the enemy of success/achievement/progress.” To make this grand leap, however, takes intense focus. Every single day you must inundate your mind with forward-thinking thoughts, ignite your motivation and passion with the lessons of inspirational and masterful teachers, and implement everything you’re learning every single day. I now spent hours a day, at least 3, on this. Also, are you worried over “The Hows?” This single aspect can totally derail you. More on this below.
2) You’re human: This was the hardest part for me to embrace because I strongly identify myself as a spiritual being/a starseed/an awakened soul and I felt confused and dismayed by physical mandates & by the world’s ways (like thinking “Who needs money??”). So I hid, isolated myself, and worked on soul healings, self discovery and read/listened/implemented personal development material…thinking that this would help me release the fear and move forward in my life. But guess what? All this did was free me up to feel my fear even more and to be aware of exactly how and when I was selling myself short, whereas, before I could more or less ignore it…for awhile anyway. Annoying right?? I had to find another way, and this book literally brings me to tears just mentioning it. It’s called “Fat, Lonely and Broke No More” by Victoria Moran http://victoriamoran.com/books/fat-broke-lonely-no-more/. Victoria is a rare gem. I didn’t like the title when I first read it, and I dismissed it as a cheesy self-help book, but I was compelled to take a look. Once I started reading I couldn’t put it down. Victoria is an Earth ANGEL. She both relates to our physical, human struggles and our spiritual, higher self essence, yearnings, and aspirations. She’s struggled, failed, feared, and triumped. Yet, the difference with her, is she lives beautifully in world as a spiritual being, and this book is so funny, relatable, insightful, enlightening, and mentally stimulating all in one!! It’s a masterful book. She won’t sugarcoat, avoid an in-depth discussion, or lecture you on your fear…. she takes it on and crushes it!!! AND helps you do the same. She’s teaching me how I can both understand, contend with, overcome, and appreciate the difficulties of this 3d environment, while embracing the physical and creating a life that honors my higher self and that flows more easily according to my desires. I even had a chance to talk to Victoria, and she’s just…cream of the crop amazing. If you want, I will gift you my copy (pdf). Early Christmas present Woo!! :p
There’s also a training program that Chris Landry, the intuitive (Do you know him?), recently recommended for me and it’s JUST the thing I needed to culminate all that I’ve being learning & questioning over the years- the missing links. I asked God for help…I was so miserable Rosine…and this was the answer. I highly, highly, super enthusiastically recommend the program. It’s called “Your Wish is Your Command” by Kevin Trudeau. I would have NEVER NEVER listened to any of Kevin’s work because I always saw him on late night tv informercials and disregarded him as a hyped up, unethical, snake oil salesman. But wow…was I wrong. This program, Your Wish is Your Command, is the REAL DEAL. He speaks about energy, he talks about thoughts, he’s not some shallow, flaky guru or motivational speaker, and he’s super practical and down to earth about the teachings of how to overcome your fear and live an amazing life. The teachings are POTENT and PROFOUND. If interested, let me know!!!
So yea, today is 11/11/11 and I hope this marks a turning point for you and your dance with Fear. You are one of my most favorite people ever. You are a beacon of light, that even in your darkest moments, shines and illuminates the lives of others. You have helped me so much in my own personal journey, and I just hope that you get what you need, exactly when you need it, to move forward in your life. You will jump off that cliff and soar!! :) *Hugs*
Fear is one of my biggest problems AND one of my biggest fears! It makes me feel better that you also have this problem finally. It is sad that that makes me feel better. :(
Because I have problems with fear, I can identify in what you say, and I think that is what makes me feel better.
Rosine, what if feeling fear is aligned with your purpous so that you can help others who have the same problem and understand them better?
Also, I remember something, I don’t think this is as you say the first time fear was preventing you from developing, remember that you told me singing was terrifying you? You had a great chance to participate in a musical or something, but when the opportunity was finally within your grasp, it scared the hell out of you and you backed away.